Bridger's play group KEEP

Hi you guys!!

So I wanted to go into more detail about Bridger's play group. Bridger is doing amazing, we are going to a play group at Kids on the Move that helps all of us learn how to share and play with other children. They also show parents how to in force boundaries into our lives. It has been the best parent class I have ever been too. Its an hour and half once a week.

We are both learning so much, he is having he's speech therapist come twice a month and he is making such an improvement. On Tuesday, Marsha, he's speech Therapist told him that if he wanted more milk he would have to take the binki out of his mouth and say it. He did exactly what she said, he took his binki out of his mouth and put it in his pocket, and copied exactly what she said. I started crying, he was so cute!!! He had a really bad first day and ever since that first day..he has been great!!

He is playing so well with other kids now, and he is just doing so great. I needed this class to help me know how to teach Bridger, I can not stop raving about this program. I have learned more in the last few months with this program then any book or doing it on my own. For those of you that don't know, Bridger has a minor speech delay that we are trying to work on, its a combination of having a binki and being the second sibling. Its very common that the second sibling doesn't talk because the oldest does the talking for them. Because he couldn't really communicate, he would hit other kids to get their attention, or to play with them, or to try to express what he wanted...he would hit, or scream..it was so frustrating for both of us.

But now we both learning techniques to eliminate hitting and trying to communicate by learning some sign language- so that while he is still learning how to communicate with his words he can still communicate to me what he wants by signing and that way he isn't so frustrated that he is actually listening to what I am saying and he will talk. Its worked, Bridger was such a fast learner for sign language and that has saved us!! He knows how to sign lots of words and now instead of signing then he is saying them. One of the big signs was "more" and he now says the word instead of signs it. I am learning that Bridger does better on a schedule then just winging it day to day. Jocelyn was my go by the seat of your pants girl, as long as she was with me, she was fine. With Bridger its different, I have to be home at a certain hour for him to be able to take his naps at the same time every day.

For his play group there is 6 other kids, with their Moms and 3 directors. They all help us keep to our boundaries, and learn what to do when our child is pushing those boundaries.

The first day of our play group, Bridger was so great, he was being such a great little boy. But then I dipped his little waffle in the syrup and it was down hill from there!! He started throwing a tantrum, and was so mad at me.

Well first Marsha told me, "Hey mom, did you ask him if he wanted you to do that?" I was like..no. She told me that I have to respect Bridgers "No". If I respect his no, he will respect my no. Then he wanted to eat in the play area...that was not allowed, that wasn't a choice. So without grabbing him, just preventing him by standing in his way, she said, sorry Bridger we can't eat in the play area. We have to eat at the table, and all this time he was the one pushing against her. She would just prevent, until he threw himself on the floor and started screaming, I quickly go to the floor and say in my sweet high voice...Bridger its ok hunny!!! Right then Marsha stopped me, and said, " Mom, nope! We don't give attention to tantrums. No eye contact, not physical contact and no talking. So he was inches away from me, and she told me to not look at him. He of course got mad..cause I wasn't paying attention to him, and started screaming and kicking the chair, and then she told me to go to the hall. Then she physically picked up Bridger and put him in the hall. She told me that the only reason to physically grab Bridger would be to prevent him hurting himself or other children.

At that point he was going to hurt himself cause he was close to the table and he was making the other kids nervous. So I couldn't say anything to him I just stood there, for an hour, while he screamed saying mommy, mommy..mamma...marsha was the mediator, I of course was in tears, wondering if this was the right thing, I knew that if I held him he would stop crying I knew he would be ok ...she told me that she had to be the mediator right now to teach both of us. She told me that she has done this for 30 years and she knew what she was doing.

Well finally she told me to go into a room with a window in it, so I could see what was happening, all this time Bridger was screaming and kicking the wall, he was so mad....she would ask him, Bridger are you done? He would scream at her...more angry and she would respect his no. Well I went into the room and of course he screamed louder. She asked him, Bridger do you want to see your mom if you want to see your mom then you have to stop crying. He stopped crying put his binki in his mouth and shook his head yes, and gave her his hand. She said ok lets go get mom, but you can't cry. He saw me...started crying....oh it broke my heart...she took him outside again....again they did the whole speech again. She brought him in...he started crying...again she took him out.

They did it 5 times, and the last time, she told me that she didn't want me to put any feeling in it. Its not sad, its not happy, its something that happened. Its Bridger working out his problems and that is a good thing. So she told me that in my normal voice, not a high pitch voice, she told me that i sounded like I was on helium and that does not help the child, it actually makes it worse. So the last time he came in, I said in my normal voice, Bridger are you done, do you want to play, he grabbed my leg, and shook his head yes. I had to wait and make sure he was going to stay quite and then I was allowed to pick him up. I put my arms around his back and put my hand on his head. She quickly told me to put both arms on his bum. She said, don't coodel, nothing bad happened, he just worked through a problem, this is great, he did a great job to let it all out!! Then I started swaying and Marsha told me, your doing the elephant swaye, stop. That isn't going to help him. So I stopped. Taking my every que from her, lol...

The room we went into was full of fun things to play with, and I was about to ask Bridger if he wanted to swing, when she said, he just went through a lot right now so if he wants to be held by you the rest of the time, that is perfectly fine. Do not ask him if he wants to do any of the activities. A lot of the moms give their kids suggestions and say...Honey do you want to play on the slide, or do you want to swing, and the kids will answer with an angry uh..uh...!! she said Don't give him that opportunity to scream at you, because if he screams then you have to follow through and do the consequence. She said, if you want to interest him in something then sit next to the activity and let HIM tell you that he wants to do it. So I sat next to a pool of balls, and after a few minutes he pointed to the balls and started playing and in 10 minutes he was playing.

Marsha came up to him and said give me five buddy! and he did..and he smiled at her. I was so surprised, she said that children don't remember because everything they did was their choice. He was the one pushing her, he was the one kicking her, and she asked him what he wanted and what the boundaries were, and respected his no when he wasn't ready to do it.

Well that was our first day!! VERY emotional for both of us, and I was nervous to go back because I didn't want him to go through that again. The second time, he was a perfect little boy and it was another boy that was having a rough time, he did exactly what the boundaries where. I commented that its better to be rough on him now, then later. Marsha said, we aren't being rough, we are setting up boundaries and consequences. Everyone has consequences, adults can't do everything they want to. Wither its good or bad everything has a consequence. When we make good choices we get good consequences. When we make bad choices, we get bad consequences. Its better for him to learn the consequences now that he can afford them, then later when you can't.

I am in love with Marsha!!! She knew exacatly what to do with Bridger and how to set up boundaries for him. She is my new person that is going to come meet with us twice a month to help Bridger and I communicate better and learn how to say more words. Each week she teaches us something knew. For example the last time we learned that we can't ask a question if we can't respect their no. So one of the moms said, Adian do you want to go put your bowl in the sink? The little boy said..Nooooo! Marsha quickly said, "mom, thats not a choice, its not a question" She said re phrase that ...she said, Adien will you go put your bowl into the sink please so we can go play. He got up and did it. She said respect your childrens no's, and don't ask questions when you can't respect his no's.

Marsha said that we as parents ask our kids everything, and right now they are learning their independants so its great to be able to say no. Again I can't get enough of this program. Also another thing we learned is to wait until THEY ask for help. Bridger couldn't open his milk, and I come to the rescue, marsha stopped me and said wait for him to figure out he needs help and asks you. So after watching him struggle for a bit, he said, "momma up"! haha...it was so wonderful to see him want to talk and ME letting him have that opportunity to be able to ask for help. Marsha said to him, Bridger do you want help? she signed the word help. He signed it back and nodded yes. She said, i want you to say it...I - EEE....want...annnt... some ...mmmm..more...laaa milk....ilk... please eessee..(he also signed the last word too) Ah!! It was so beautiful, I was so proud of him!! My sweet baby boy!!

Anyways, I love love love this class, and I am learning more and more every Tuesday. I'll try to update what I learn as I go on. I'll take some pictures too!!

-Cat-